How to Help Your Teen’s Mental Health This Summer

By: Dr. Marshall Bruner, Director, Brenau Center for Counseling and Psychological Services - Gainesville; Assistant Professor Lynn J. Darby School of Psychology and Adolescent Counseling, Ivester College of Health & Science

As a parent of two teens, one of my greatest concerns is for the wellbeing of my children. I worry about their physical health and want them to make good choices like eating healthy, engaging in exercise, and avoiding the dumb things I did when I was in high school like running across a water pipe suspended 100 or so feet above the lake (Wait - will my children or parents be reading this?). I also worry about their psychological health. While most people, including teenagers, do not meet criteria for a diagnosable psychiatric disorder, many experience various forms of distress at a subclinical level. Symptoms of anxiety and depression are the top two reasons people present to therapy. These symptoms can look different in teens than in adults. A depressed adult might say "I'm feeling sad" whereas a 15 year old might say "I'm angry" or be irritable with family and friends for no obvious reason. Adults who are feeling anxious often complain of being nervous or worried. A teenager might complain of stomach aches or headaches or feeling overwhelmed. In both adults and teens, it is not uncommon to hear "I don't know" when asked what's wrong. Don't get frustrated if you hear this. It is an honest response and is a starting point for a larger conversation. Acknowledge the response and state the reason(s) that you think something might be bothering them.

What should you do as an adult who is concerned about a teenager in your life? 

Be present
You cannot help if you're not there. While you can't force anyone to talk about their feelings, you can be sure they won't talk about what's bothering them if they don't have someone to talk to. 

Keep them active
With school getting out soon, some kids (I use "kids" loosely here to refer to anyone between, say, 4 and 17...maybe 19 depending on the person. Use it at your own risk), will be getting jobs, going to summer camp, taking trips, visiting grandparents, etc. That's great. For others, there is no structure to the summer break from school. While that sounds great, and it is for a while, it gets old...fast. I am not an advocate for all teenagers having jobs as a way to be active during the summer. That is the right choice for some, but not for all. Volunteering at one of the many non-profit organizations in Gainesville/Hall County is a great way to impose structure while giving back to the community. It does not, and probably should not, be an everyday commitment for teens, but playing with dogs and cats at the Humane Society, sorting through donated clothing, assisting with younger kids at VBS or youth camp 2-3 times per week will help your teenager avoid feeling lonely, provide opportunities for development of new relationships, and look good on a college application or job resume'.

FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is real
Not seeing people that you are used to seeing every day in the halls, at lunch or in class is isolating. Social media can help, but it's a double edged sword. Seeing pictures of your friends, or even loose acquaintances, doing stuff together while you are sitting at home does not feel good...at all. While we can't manage the relationships of teenagers, we can provide opportunities for them to get together with friends. In-person contact is prefered, but connecting via text, Facetime or, heaven forbid, making a phone call, is good too. Reminding teens that no one puts pictures on social media of the times they were not doing something fun can also be helpful.

Increase adult support
Sometimes a teenager will not turn to a parent or other primary caregiver when they are in distress because they are mad about receiving a consequence for negative behavior, don't like a limit set for them, or they are not ready to disclose their thoughts and feelings on a subject. Having an aunt, uncle, grandparent, coach, pastor, or other trusted adult ready and willing to provide support is always a good idea. These connections also provide opportunities to learn how to develop healthy relationships. 

Seek professional help
If you continue to be worried about the teenager in your life, don't be an island. There are resources available for you and for them. I frequently tell people to start with your child's health insurance provider. That is often the best place to find support from a licensed mental health clinician that is affordable. You can also access free online resources like Psychology Today and type in your zip code to find a list of providers close to where you live. If your teenager is experiencing suicidal thoughts, do not wait to set up an appointment. Contact the Georgia Crisis and Access Line (GCAL): 1-800-715-4225. This is a free service with operators on standby at all times to provide mental health crisis services.

One last thing - It is okay to not have all the answers. It is okay to have your own issues and concerns. In other words, it is okay to not be okay. Please don't forget to seek support for yourself if you need it.